May 2011
2 posts
10 tags
A Review of the Wisdom in Letting Your Boyfriend...
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man in possession of a good internet connection must at one point pose as a girl online. Whether he admits to it is another matter entirely, as this kind of behaviour is subject to some of the greatest prejudice and ridicule the internet can offer (putting that guy right behind Furries and Youtube commenters). This is most likely because a man...
10 tags
Chocolate Spread
It’s lunchtime and you didn’t eat breakfast. You’ve been doing housework all day, looking forward to finishing so you can sit down with a cup of tea and a sandwich. There is some crusty bread in the kitchen, and it has been calling out to you for hours. You put the vacuum cleaner down and head to the cupboard. You reach your arm in and pull out the perfect accompaniment to delicious bread:...
April 2011
10 posts
9 tags
Review of the Royal Wedding
What dignity! What glory! The lavish ceremony yesterday was a fantastic chance for proud Britons to see the Royal Family in their finest garb, behaving in the only way that we would expect them to. Everyone was pleased to see that Prince Phillip was largely able to restrain himself from making inappropriate comments, although he was heard to exclaim loudly that Princess Beatrice’s hat was “like...
10 tags
Review of Waking Up... With a Girl!
If you’re familiar with the spin-off television series Angel, you may remember the episode in which the vampire detective becomes a human for the day. For the first time since he was bitten, he is able to wake up in the morning next to Buffy, his forbidden companion. As he drinks his morning coffee, he peers in on his blonde beauty and admires the way her hair is splayed across the pillow in...
9 tags
Review of Brighton by Gaz (the seagull)
It’s great living in Brighton when you’re a seagull. I used to come here with my mates on the weekend and we’d just fly about trying to poo on cars and old ladies. Don’t get me wrong, we’re not thugs, we’re just lads who like to have fun. There are plenty of clubs in Brighton, but they usually don’t let you in if you’re not wearing shoes. I always get turned away by the bouncers, but that’s...
12 tags
Body Hair
Body hair comes in a wide range of varieties, but perhaps the most versatile form is head hair. On top of being able to use it to keep your important brain warm, you can grow it long enough to heat your ears, neck and even nipples (although in the latter case The Whole Caboodle recommends the use of a jumper instead). You can also use it to signal things to the people around you; with a variety...
5 tags
Review of Girly Bed Sheets (for boys)
If you are a real lad, or just poor, you will only have one set of bed sheets. They will be plain; one simple colour; designed to emit a powerful sense of raw masculinity. Unbeknownst to you, they will also emit a powerful scent of raw masculinity in the form of sweaty manjigglies and anal exhalations. You will feel instantly at ease, engulfed in these fragrances, and you will fall asleep, safe...
5 tags
Review of a Builder
This delightful model comes from the ‘Glory of Britain’ range, which also includes ‘Joyless Commuter’, ‘Racist Cockney Geezer’ and ‘Eccentric Lady on Bus’. Following new EU directives, all models are now made without toxic materials.
‘Builder Working Right Outside the Window’ comes in two different designs; wearing a ‘Man U’ t-shirt for the more conservative collecters, and ‘going shirtless’ for...
7 tags
A Review of Mick Jagger's Face (for mountaineers)
Climbing Mick Jagger’s face doesn’t come with the same level of kudos as, say, a Barbara Streisand or Sarah Jessica Parker, simply because his nose isn’t as steep or tall, yet it was no surprise that experienced climbers voted him as their top choice for Challenging Terrains in this year’s Rockface Magazine survey. For years, the breaks and bulges that form Jagger’s cheeks, forehead and nose have...
7 tags
Review of My Dreams
There is a mansion full of people striving to keep a little girl out of a drawer of scissors. All my friends can perform inception, and I keep on getting strange ideas about what I want to do for them. Alex Pettyfer tells me that I have hairy boobs and when I look down, I am shocked at how much hair is poking out of my top. What is this bumf? It can only come from my dreams.
My dreams have...
Review of The Whole Caboodle
What is this?
Tumblr is an excellent website, chock-a-block with entertaining blogs, rib-tickling comics and graphic sexual images, but The Whole Caboodle must not have been told. The main premise is seriously dubious. Who wants to know what two hapless English degree victims think about such inconsequential things as the apple they’ve just eaten or their grandfather’s kneecaps? Here’s a...
tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?
